Today was the 2nd day after receiving confirmation from a 2nd opinion that my baby indeed has no heartbeat and chance of survival. I am feeling much better as compared to the first day when I got to learn about it and accepting the fact, though I am hoping for the 1% miracle to happen.
I chose to discuss about it because my hearts goes to anyone who had gone through this or is going through this right now. It’s kind of physically and mentality torture I must say when you really want the baby.
2 MARCH 2016, WEDNESDAY
It was my 2nd check up and just like any other mothers, looking forward to this day to see their baby growth.
However, my happiness was cut short.
I knew something was not right the moment I had my ultrasound scan, with the screen right in front of me. The baby is sitting comfortably in the amniotic fluid and though I can see that the fetus is growing but it looks lifeless.
I know something was not right because this is my 2nd pregnancy, it doesn’t move and it does not have any flickering on the chest!
I was actually looking forward to seeing something flickering because there was no heartbeat during the 1st check up. And this week, the fetus should be 8-10 weeks!
*Just so you know that a fetus heart beat can be detected and heard after 6 weeks and there wasn’t any during my 1st check up.
I didn’t think a lot about it since my gynae Dr Phua Soo Mear from Kovan said that I should be 7 weeks but the fetus is measuring about 5 weeks during the 1st check up (2 weeks ago).
I was right!
*Feeling devastating
He started to shake his head a little and then he broke the news to me.
“The baby still doesn’t have any heartbeat, hmmm…” he said, and he continue and tried every angles to see whether the fetus is playing hide and seek. “It’s not a good sign, it should have a heartbeat by now”, he said.
To re-confirm his diagnosis, he also did a vaginal scan for me. And there is the fetus, still laying lifeless in the amniotic fluid.
“Well, I can arrange you to Thomson to check again” he said.
“What do you mean? What’s the different checking here and at Thomson Medical Center?” I asked.
“For a 2nd opinion, my dear” he said.
I was still hoping that this is a misdiagnosis, probably my cycle wasn’t right and my ovulation was delay so there is some sort of miscalculation. Maybe the baby was 5-6 weeks. For a piece of mind, I decided to arrange myself a check up the next following day.
I couldn’t sleep… and I was praying. Nevertheless, I start my research online to prepare myself what’s really going on, will that be a misdiagnosis?
I chance upon this 2 website, which gave me some hope.
www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com/mycommunity
www.pregnancy.lovetoknow.com/pregnancy-problems/tilted-uterus-ultrasound
After the research, I was hoping that probably my uterus is retroverted because I recalled that I had it after giving birth to my first child. That gave me some hope, thinking that probably this is why the heartbeat is undetected. (You can read more from the link above)
And I try not to think too much about it, maybe there will be a good news tomorrow.
3 MARCH 2016, THURSDAY
I arrived Thomson Medical Center at 8.50am and finally at 9.50am, I get to see gynae Dr Beh Suan Tiong.
I explained to him what’s going on and then he did the ultrasound scan for me.
Then, he said: “Yes, there’s no life.” and there’s nothing they can do.
Feeling rather disappointed, lost and devastated, I asked so now what?
What am I suppose to do with the fetus in my womb?
Then, Dr Beh starts to explain…
2 OPTIONS AVAILABLE:
1. Dilation & Curettage (D&C):
A procedure in which the cervix of the uterus is expanded (dilated) so that the uterine lining (endometrium) can be removed with a spoon-shaped instrument called a curet orcurette.
2. Natural Miscarriage:
This is pretty obvious, it means letting nature to take its course for cramping or bleeding to start.
He ask me to think about it and should I require any D&C, just call up and make the appointment.
My first thought was to go natural miscarriage because I am still waiting for the 1% miracle to happen. I mean who knows… I have been going through all these for nearly 1.5 months, so probably giving myself another 2 weeks to see what will happen next?
Yes, many must have opted to go D&C. Instead of the long torturing wait, worrying that the womb is not clean when it heal or the infection risk they may have to go through, they decided to go for D&C.
But the 1% strong will of miracle is what I decided to wait for another 2 weeks.
Yeah.. many things are still running through my mind, I thought to myself is it because of the wine I drink during Chinese New Year reunion dinner (Back then, I still don’t know that I’m pregnant), was it because I carry Kate at times or was it because of the viral eye infection that had causes me to feel very sick for nearly 1.5 weeks during the period 7-18 Feb.
Did the chilling, feeling restless, weakness, tiredness, nauseous and bad appetite tired me out and did the virus pass to the fetus.
I remember staying on bed for nearly a week and I couldn’t really move. It’s really very bad and I thought I am going to die.
Nevertheless, I am still hoping for that 1% miracle to happen or otherwise natural miscarriage for the next 2 weeks.
I will keep you peeps update again!
Keeping a photo for memories sake.
The joy I received when I found out that I’m pregnant with the home test kit.
UPDATES: My natural Miscarriage did not occur for the next 2 weeks, so here’s the procedure of my D&C surgery surgery at Thomson Medical Center: Read here